Bottle Conditioning Supplies

All the supplies needed to get your bottles into prime physical shape. Weights, resistance bands, workout clothes. Everything to condition your bottles.
EDIT 1: I was informed by a concerned customer this was not the correct form of bottle conditioning. I have revised my description. It is as follows:

All the supplies needed to classically condition your bottles. Including bells, dog food, and some Russian psychologist? He says his name is Pavlov? EDIT 2: Again, I was informed this was still not the correct form of conditioning. My boss gave me a paper and told me to type exactly this, as follows:

"'All the supplies needed to bottle condition your beer. Bottling sugar, clarifying agents, carbonation tablets, etc'. See, was that really so hard? Why didn't you just google it? I'm starting to wonder if we should have you working on the website".

I'm just typing what he wrote.